Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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