i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
