the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
