sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
