i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
