My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
