do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
