whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
