are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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