We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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