is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were trust falling into bushes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
