Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize