I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hippo gnu deer
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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