i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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