Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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