So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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