he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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