Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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