I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
