She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
