when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
