I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
