im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
