Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
