Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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