just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my being single is dangerous.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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