she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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