fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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