I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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