it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
