I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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