if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
