woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
