i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
