who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
