you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
