The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
