your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
