It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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