Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
