If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
