I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
