Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
