Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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