I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
