boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
