Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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