you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
