..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
