I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
