the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He? As in you personified your dick?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize