Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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