Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
