we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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