I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
