I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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