Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
