My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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