And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
