it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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