the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
