Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
